Friendships..........
I've been blessed... and... cursed ... with traveling around the world
during my lifetime. Blessed is the simple part. I've
met a LOT of people... Traveling to faraway places as a kid and as an adult, but
the 'cursed' is the achilles heel of it all. Military brats know about
this. My father worked with the NASA program and we lived in California,
Guam and Hawaii, before he changed employers and we moved to Minnesota (that
will shock your system after several years in Hawaii!). You rarely make
close friends in those short years between moves. You definitely don’t have
‘long’ friendships that many experience.
Those travels and experiences made me whom I am, and prepared me for
twenty years of military life, but ... also inhibited what some of us take for
granted; long term, lifelong friendships?
When I look back over my childhood, I've moved on from those early friendships. When I look back to my High School years, I have a single friend that I stay in touch with. When I look back over my military career, I have only two friends that I stay in touch with from my first career field, and a dozen or so from my later years in the military, but in all fairness, that's most likely because our lives are still intertwined with our current career fields and the fact that we live nearby. Also, I tend to gravitate towards my buddies that we spent many years in the military together. It's a bond that can't be broken.
I've found that it's been easy to create a similar bond of sorts, with folks in the motorcycle community. Though I've been riding for well over three decades, it wasn't until I purchased an Indian Motorcycle that I found myself gravitating towards others that share the same passion.
Friendships.... Brotherhood ... I've found myself thinking about these terms... their meaning... their importance... over the last several years. I mean, what 'is' a Friend? It's a term that is thrown around loosely. A term that is not understood by many. I've said for decades, that my 'true' friends, I can count on one hand. I rarely use the term 'best friend' because I've got several really close friends, and I don't like putting folks in a 'pecking order' of sorts. But even then, it's not that simple. I've got several friends that I've known for almost four decades. I've got dozens of friends I've known for a couple of decades. I've got dozens and dozens of friends I've made in the last decade. Additionally, most of us are on Facebook and we've got a list full of friends via Social Media. All of these friends make up our circle, some closer than others, some meaning more than others. We can all agree on that point.
During my pre-adult years I had the normal friendships we all had, but only one or two close friends that I could truly share just about anything with. That I could count on to have my back. And, to this day, only maintained one of those friendships. I moved off to do 20 years serving our country, and only one of those survived that span of time. We aren't super tight anymore, but if 'Tevy' called me tomorrow with a crisis... I'd be there for him. Back to the pre-adult years, interestingly, I don't remember any true, deep 'drama' with any of those friendships. I mean, I bumped heads with a few folks, but I don't recall any toxic friendships. You just moved away from certain folks over time, closer to others. Life. In my military years, over two decades, I don't remember any toxic friendships. Any drama BS. Some people you gravitate towards, some away from. Life. Then, I hung up the uniform and moved into Civilian life. The world of drama?
My first job I found myself working for a true work of art. A manipulative individual that I found interesting for various reasons, but turned out to be a true... toxic person. At the time, I couldn't figure this guy out. A part of me liked him. He'd spent about six years in the USAF, he made a lot of money after getting out, had a perspective I wasn't used to. But, there was something about him I couldn't put my finger on initially. Eventually I realized he had zero perspective on true leadership, true management. true friendships. What was really ‘interesting’, his social circle was comprised of customers and peers from work. I don't think he had a single 'true' friend. He hired folks from his customer base and this added to his friend base. It took me longer than it should have to figure this guy out. When I did, our relationship crumbled. I left the company, and I left that 'friendship' behind. The day the light bulb came on for me: I still remember being over at his home, with his younger wife doing all the cooking. Packing all his clothes for business trips. Him bragging about how many "C notes" he always carried. Frantically watching Football and Baseball, with an innate knowledge of the teams, their records, etc. but oblivious to his surroundings. It wasn't until we were over for dinner for some grilling that I connected all the dots. His wife got him and me some beers, and then she headed outside to do the grilling. I was like 'huh?' In my brain, that's the man's job. But he was oblivious. I decided to take my beer outside and do some visiting with our gill master, except ... she was outside putting the brand new grill together. WTF? So, I put down the beer, pulled out the tools and got it together. Then, I grilled us all up some great Burgers... The whole time, he was in there watching Football. That, was when I got a snapshot of what a POS he was. And once you get the snapshot, you start to realize everything else you were missing. And if you mention it to someone else in the circle, you get more pieces to the puzzle. When the puzzle is completed, you can’t go back. Let’s just say, we don't hang out anymore
That was about fifteen years ago. Since then, I've worked at two other companies but have lived physically in the same place. I've kept my circle of local friends. Though a few folks have moved in and out of that tight circle, we still keep in touch. Life. I've made friendships with people I work with. Some close, some not so close. I've made friendships with folks I ride with. Some close. Some not so close. But, in the big picture, 'normal' friendships. No drama. No BS.
Over the last decade or so, due to “Social Media” I’ve been lucky to meet some people that I’ve gotten close to. Created friendships from nothing. Developed trust. But sometimes, you meet folks that aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes, we find ourselves back in the situation of trying to figuring out what drives someone’s behavior. Sometimes their behaviors contributes to drama in one’s own life. In other’s lives. We put ourselves out there, our trust, try for our own various reasons, only to realize it was all for nothing. After dealing with the individual from two decades ago, you’d think I would learn, but I tend to pull back slowly. I try not to jump too quickly. But when I do jump, I’m usually all in. And when I jump ‘out’, this is just as true. I’m guessing that “jumping out” threw more than a few people a curve ball and had them scratching their heads. I do know that over the last half decade I’ve seen behaviors that had me scratching my head, trying to help someone change, debating and arguing ‘publicly’ over the simplest and stupidest of subjects. Lending money and then later pushing back, realizing that it wasn’t a true friendship. It was a one-way friendship, based on what I was willing to offer, to put up with. Well, was. I had acquired pieces of the puzzle. As of recent, other folks contributed pieces to the puzzle. And then, the puzzle was no longer a puzzle, but a mess I didn’t want to be part of. As was true 15 years ago, some people you have to move on from.
I find myself looking inside again asking myself “what is a friend?” What is the true value of friendships? I have to admit, I don’t have all the answers. But I do know a few things. My friendship, doesn’t come with strings attached. My friendship isn’t based on people having something I need. My friendship isn’t based on taking something from others. My friendship doesn’t require exclusivity. I’ve read (and believe) sometimes we should seek relationships with folks that have more to contribute to ourselves, to allow us to grow. When I find those friendships, I savor them and I do grow. But sometimes, I’m that person that provides that for others as well. I’m okay with that. I honestly love all my friendships that contribute something... Anything... Positive to my life. Whether we ride together. Socialize together. Or even if it’s just positive interaction via phone conversations, text conversations or....if it must be, interaction via Social Media.
True Friendship . No strings. No catches. No BS . No Drama
When I look back over my childhood, I've moved on from those early friendships. When I look back to my High School years, I have a single friend that I stay in touch with. When I look back over my military career, I have only two friends that I stay in touch with from my first career field, and a dozen or so from my later years in the military, but in all fairness, that's most likely because our lives are still intertwined with our current career fields and the fact that we live nearby. Also, I tend to gravitate towards my buddies that we spent many years in the military together. It's a bond that can't be broken.
I've found that it's been easy to create a similar bond of sorts, with folks in the motorcycle community. Though I've been riding for well over three decades, it wasn't until I purchased an Indian Motorcycle that I found myself gravitating towards others that share the same passion.
Friendships.... Brotherhood ... I've found myself thinking about these terms... their meaning... their importance... over the last several years. I mean, what 'is' a Friend? It's a term that is thrown around loosely. A term that is not understood by many. I've said for decades, that my 'true' friends, I can count on one hand. I rarely use the term 'best friend' because I've got several really close friends, and I don't like putting folks in a 'pecking order' of sorts. But even then, it's not that simple. I've got several friends that I've known for almost four decades. I've got dozens of friends I've known for a couple of decades. I've got dozens and dozens of friends I've made in the last decade. Additionally, most of us are on Facebook and we've got a list full of friends via Social Media. All of these friends make up our circle, some closer than others, some meaning more than others. We can all agree on that point.
During my pre-adult years I had the normal friendships we all had, but only one or two close friends that I could truly share just about anything with. That I could count on to have my back. And, to this day, only maintained one of those friendships. I moved off to do 20 years serving our country, and only one of those survived that span of time. We aren't super tight anymore, but if 'Tevy' called me tomorrow with a crisis... I'd be there for him. Back to the pre-adult years, interestingly, I don't remember any true, deep 'drama' with any of those friendships. I mean, I bumped heads with a few folks, but I don't recall any toxic friendships. You just moved away from certain folks over time, closer to others. Life. In my military years, over two decades, I don't remember any toxic friendships. Any drama BS. Some people you gravitate towards, some away from. Life. Then, I hung up the uniform and moved into Civilian life. The world of drama?
My first job I found myself working for a true work of art. A manipulative individual that I found interesting for various reasons, but turned out to be a true... toxic person. At the time, I couldn't figure this guy out. A part of me liked him. He'd spent about six years in the USAF, he made a lot of money after getting out, had a perspective I wasn't used to. But, there was something about him I couldn't put my finger on initially. Eventually I realized he had zero perspective on true leadership, true management. true friendships. What was really ‘interesting’, his social circle was comprised of customers and peers from work. I don't think he had a single 'true' friend. He hired folks from his customer base and this added to his friend base. It took me longer than it should have to figure this guy out. When I did, our relationship crumbled. I left the company, and I left that 'friendship' behind. The day the light bulb came on for me: I still remember being over at his home, with his younger wife doing all the cooking. Packing all his clothes for business trips. Him bragging about how many "C notes" he always carried. Frantically watching Football and Baseball, with an innate knowledge of the teams, their records, etc. but oblivious to his surroundings. It wasn't until we were over for dinner for some grilling that I connected all the dots. His wife got him and me some beers, and then she headed outside to do the grilling. I was like 'huh?' In my brain, that's the man's job. But he was oblivious. I decided to take my beer outside and do some visiting with our gill master, except ... she was outside putting the brand new grill together. WTF? So, I put down the beer, pulled out the tools and got it together. Then, I grilled us all up some great Burgers... The whole time, he was in there watching Football. That, was when I got a snapshot of what a POS he was. And once you get the snapshot, you start to realize everything else you were missing. And if you mention it to someone else in the circle, you get more pieces to the puzzle. When the puzzle is completed, you can’t go back. Let’s just say, we don't hang out anymore
That was about fifteen years ago. Since then, I've worked at two other companies but have lived physically in the same place. I've kept my circle of local friends. Though a few folks have moved in and out of that tight circle, we still keep in touch. Life. I've made friendships with people I work with. Some close, some not so close. I've made friendships with folks I ride with. Some close. Some not so close. But, in the big picture, 'normal' friendships. No drama. No BS.
Over the last decade or so, due to “Social Media” I’ve been lucky to meet some people that I’ve gotten close to. Created friendships from nothing. Developed trust. But sometimes, you meet folks that aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes, we find ourselves back in the situation of trying to figuring out what drives someone’s behavior. Sometimes their behaviors contributes to drama in one’s own life. In other’s lives. We put ourselves out there, our trust, try for our own various reasons, only to realize it was all for nothing. After dealing with the individual from two decades ago, you’d think I would learn, but I tend to pull back slowly. I try not to jump too quickly. But when I do jump, I’m usually all in. And when I jump ‘out’, this is just as true. I’m guessing that “jumping out” threw more than a few people a curve ball and had them scratching their heads. I do know that over the last half decade I’ve seen behaviors that had me scratching my head, trying to help someone change, debating and arguing ‘publicly’ over the simplest and stupidest of subjects. Lending money and then later pushing back, realizing that it wasn’t a true friendship. It was a one-way friendship, based on what I was willing to offer, to put up with. Well, was. I had acquired pieces of the puzzle. As of recent, other folks contributed pieces to the puzzle. And then, the puzzle was no longer a puzzle, but a mess I didn’t want to be part of. As was true 15 years ago, some people you have to move on from.
I find myself looking inside again asking myself “what is a friend?” What is the true value of friendships? I have to admit, I don’t have all the answers. But I do know a few things. My friendship, doesn’t come with strings attached. My friendship isn’t based on people having something I need. My friendship isn’t based on taking something from others. My friendship doesn’t require exclusivity. I’ve read (and believe) sometimes we should seek relationships with folks that have more to contribute to ourselves, to allow us to grow. When I find those friendships, I savor them and I do grow. But sometimes, I’m that person that provides that for others as well. I’m okay with that. I honestly love all my friendships that contribute something... Anything... Positive to my life. Whether we ride together. Socialize together. Or even if it’s just positive interaction via phone conversations, text conversations or....if it must be, interaction via Social Media.
True Friendship . No strings. No catches. No BS . No Drama
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