Lucky 7 .. ?
Well, sounds good in theory …. A number I was glad to STOP at Saturday night…. Seven... I’m still twitching thinking about it.
First Stop - we head into Hot Springs to Malco Theatre where I’d been before with Donnie. Cool lil place, with Nick bartending again. He remembered me, poured me a Pinot Noir (he remembered) and we’re having a relaxing evening. Then we decided on Mexican for dinner so headed out to a nice joint I’d never been to; Colorado Grill. Margaritas were really good, food really good. Perfect. Across the street is a cool wine bar of sorts so we meander to the back patio for some live music and few glasses of wine. The temps are perfect and we’re in shorts. Then, back to the house where we spend some front porch sitting and catching up. I’m first to hit the wall so upstairs and zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Saturday morning will be the start to a great day…..sort of. We headed to another Mexican joint I’ve been to before and it doesn’t disappoint with some incredible tacos; Capos Tacos. Have a couple of Margaritas outside on the back porch on a beautiful sunny day; this is getting addicting. Next up, The Rooftop Bar downtown that we’d visited a few months back. It’s on the top of a Hilton Hotel and most would never know it’s there with it’s beautiful views of the City and mountainside. Service is good, drinks are awesome and it’s a warm sunny day that we spend hours enjoying. What was probably to be an hour or two became all afternoon until the tummies spoke up. So off to the Back Porch Grill on Hamilton Lake where I scored a Huge awesome dinner; big ol Cowboy Ribeye with Shrimp and Scallops on the side, mac n cheese you name it. And there is where things go sideways. This is where I’ve realized we’ve got a problem. Seems like whenever I eat a really large meal nowadays … it affects me weirdly. Doc attributes it to the way we digest, blood pressure changes, etc. Doesn’t make sense to me but …… we’ve got a pattern developing. In the mix, I’ve been pissed about something the last 24 hours and it’s got me a lil riled up. Then, not a whole lot of water….. and … yes .. adult beverages in the mix. So now, I’m setup for the Perfect Storm. I’ve been here before but apparently didn’t learn the lesson well.
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| YUM .. but... lil too much? |
Out of nowhere I feel a lil ‘off’ … and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!! That fucking ICD (pacemaker) in my chest hit me like lighting from the sky. Startled everyone at our table and surrounding tables. I guess I slammed the table with my hands, spilled a drink and lord knows what I muttered. But son of a bitch! Where did that come from? Hard to explain how it feels but imagine wearing a bullet proof vest and being shot with a .45 in the chest and simultaneously tazed in that area for a split second. I’m guessing, it’d be similar? So, I pull out my Kardia to take a look and my Heart is racing along at about 195 beats per minute and on fire via the EKG. (an array of spikes). Well Jill is a nurse, takes a screenshot of my app, gets a doctors’ opinion via a friend and says … Emergency Room. Well, I’m being hard headed since it went off, believe the problem is fixed … hey .. only did it once. Problem is I’m not listening and I’m arguing. She know’s best but I’m being stubborn .. well, an idiot. I know if we do the Emergency Room visit, our vaca’ is over and they’ll park me there all night for no reason….. right? So I convince them .. argue with them .. to take me back to the house. I’ll just go lay down and in the morning all will be fine. Sure thing. Hint: Next time drag my ass to the ER fighting and screaming? Hit me over the head if necessary …. Js.
Back at the house no sooner had I gone to bed it hits’ me again … BAM!!!!! I’m a yelling for them and soon have everyone surrounding me when .. BAM!!!!! hits me again. I’m thinking WTF!!?!? so Jill is calling 911, puts it on speaker phone and BAM!!!!!. Seemed like forever but within minutes first responders are in the room and … BAM!!!!!! Is this shit ever going to stop? Of course not… BAM!!!!! Now, I’m getting fucking nervous… okay .. scared. I calm it down a lil bit and offer to walk down the stairs to the stretcher. I didn’t want these guys to have to carry me down the steep incline on that thing. In the stretcher, into the ambulance we’re rolling and …. BAM!!!!! Folks …. If you haven’t been counting, we’re up to seven of these shocks. Each one feels like my chest exploding. One alone will wake you up and have you praying to Jesus… but .. today … .lucky 7. Lucky… because .. that’s where it stopped happening. Now we still have a problem with my HR at 200 bpm …. But I’m thinking … this thing in my chest isn’t doing its job and I’m going to be shocked until the lights go out. I’m honestly thinking that at that moment. EMTs are putting fluids in me that are supposed to calm the heart down; not working. Now they are in a second phase with another fluid that is supposed to stop the heart; flatline it. Then supposedly it restarts…. Huh!!? So, you’re going to kill me and bring me back from the dead? Now I’m really thinking it’s lights out… but .. it doesn’t work. Into the ER, doc’s are soon on it… and … listening to this all over again about the magic stuff that will stop then restart the heart. But … it never works. They claim they have NEVER seen this happen before. So, after hours and hours laying there sweating, holding Lucy’s hands … I’m thinking .. yep .. this is it. In the middle of all this they have logged into the ICD in my chest via their equipment looking at all this from a different angle. Somewhere in the mix of it all, I hear them say they seen an Option in the programming that isn’t activated. The settings are all in there but ….. not turned on so to speak. So, they go into the OVER DRIVE option and literally… within seconds… my HR drops down to 90 bpm. Only now, at that moment, do I realize how crazy all this was. That for upwards of six hours I was at 200 bpm with no end in sight (so to speak). Only now, am I thinking all is going to be okay. So, they ship me upstairs to the ICU.
I’m beat… it’s early Sunday morning ….. everyone is in my room supporting me and I ‘come around’ and its all friggn’ surreal. But, before the day is over, I make a decision. Convinced Lucy as well. They are telling me I’m going to be here for a few days…. This isn’t a lil one nighter stay so I convince her to head home. Peanut is being watched by Jimmy but he’s got to get to work Monday (says’ he’ll take off; love ya brother) so this just makes sense to me. She doesn’t like the thought of it. Or the perception it gives. But, as it’ll turn out; smart decision. Donihue’s have to work the following day so eventually they head home. Now I’m laying here thinking .. WTF just happened?? But worse … when in ER I needed to use the restroom ….. you know, sit down on the porcelain thing. A nurse comes up behind me with a bead pan and I’m like oh hell no! I’ll wait! On the way to ICU I spot a few bathrooms but they are not about to let me off this bed/gurney. So now I’m in my room and … what to do. Now here’s the point of bringing this up. There is no bathroom. It’s an older hospital; it’s an ICU. Most patients… well…. Are not able to get out of bed? So against the wall is something that looks like a converted walker. With a plastic pail .. and .. a seat. No privacy .. just .. sitting there. For the rest of my stay, I’m hating the thought of using that thing which I broke down twice to utilize. I barely fit on it….I was surprised it held me! But the worst part to me was calling the nurses to remove it and take care of it all. They seemed unfazed though which still surprises me. Me .. I was disgusted by it… not sure why but … it became the one thing I hated. The nurses were awesome. Docs’ were awesome. Food was edible… but … that fucking shitter was my kryptonite.
I’ll find myself there for about five days overall. We’re supposed to be in Mississippi as I type this so I was scheming .. planning .. on my hospital exit, then back home, repack then head to MS. Everyone .. EVERYONE .. is telling me I’m nuts for even considering this, but that’s the way I roll! And also…. probably what got me here? Well, as each day goes by … I’m realizing … I may not even be out by the weekend. Doc mentions random PVCs on my EKG .. he wants the new meds to settle in my system. After 36 hours I was off the IV drugs and moving to oral drugs. So they are watching closely. For the first time in my life my BP is really high and keeps spiking. Monday night was through the roof … but they got it under control. Tuesday same thing…. but worse…. finally got it under control. This is a first for me. It’s always been a notch high but we were in new territory. But I’m also realizing something; I’m making it worse. I’m so focused on it, I think I’m pushing it into the new territory. Jill stopped by late Tuesday night (she is a nurse there) and calmed me down for a half hour. As I’m laying there for all those days .. especially at night .. I’m going over everything .. EVERYTHING .. in my head. What got me here…….. my current lifestyle , future life style changes…. But what pushed me to the edge was I haven’t updated all our financial info for Lucy. I haven’t given here all the safe codes. All the passwords to well, EVERYTHING. I’ve opened accounts for us she’s not 100% aware of. I’m thinking of the hell I might put here through if I don’t make it out of here. But .. Jill calmed me down. She pointed out the obvious. I’m in a Hospital and all the tools necessary to keep me above ground exist here. So obvious in hindsight, but this weekend truly ‘scared me straight’.
I have ZERO desire to hit that number 7 again much less 1, if I can help it. I know I’m carrying too much weight. I know my level of physical exercise is well, pitiful. I know I push the ‘party’ mode harder than most. Then couple that with the stresses of life and my job … I continually over the last 2.5 years put myself in a precarious position that has resulted in exactly this. Funny part, well not funny actually, I think, know, a lot of folks think I do certain things more excessively than I do. There’s a perception there. But too often, I actually do push it too hard. For some reason I thrive in it all. The ‘party’. The traveling. The ride/drive fast mentality. The ride the motorcycle as often and far as I can. The Go Big or Go Home mentality. In the dark recesses of my skull I believe most don’t do it. Some can’t do it. It sets me apart; well in my own mind it does. And when the smoke clears, I’m sitting in an ICU wondering ‘what happened?”
Well, it’s pretty obvious. I just turned 62 and acting like I’m 26. I know I'm into the last quarter of my days on earth and want to live every day like it’s my last. I've ALWAYS had that attitude for as long as I can remember. Problem is, doing so may make that a reality vs a thought/theory. So yes, it’s finally time. But I have to admit it’s not easy. Last night was cooking steaks and historically I ALWAYS grab a cold beer when grilling; supposed to right? Then sitting down to eat it (was awesome BTW) thinking how a single glass of Pinot Noir would round the meal off just right. Didn’t do either (bet you wondered?). I’m sitting here typing at 5am when I should be in the gym but honestly think it’s too soon. So, hopefully this weekend or worst-case Monday can start in there slowly. Today I ‘should’ be in MS at a CVMA regional event, but I’m tired. Honestly physically and mentally tired so thank god I listened to my wife to stay home and rest. You know I truly miss the old days when I worked out every morning with a cup of coffee in my hand headed to the gym, then Pumping Iron and jamming to loud music. I miss being 25 pounds lighter. I miss being able to sprint and it actually felt natural. I miss having all that damned energy.
So I say Happy Friday ….. or as I like to joke … Another Day above Ground!
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| Fri Night Dinner |
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| Post Mode-Switch Overdrive Pacing (PMOP) works with the Mode Switch feature to deliver overdrive atrial pacing following an AT/AF episode termination. |
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