The Love Triangle

 Sounds good, but this is about anything but that!  Several days ago a buddy of mine wrote on social media “True friends don't make friends choose friends.”  I chimed in with some sarcasm and others joined in.  I’m not sure anyone really knew what the others were discussing or what the original poster was getting at.  I busted his balls privately and he told me … “Just a random thought for the day.”   He may have had a random thought, but it sure got a few fired up and …. Got me to thinking.  The next day another buddy posts on his Social media outlet: “I read this before, and I have thought about it for a while. If you make me choose my friends, you will probably lose me as yours. Just saying!”    Followed by another friend on theirs: “To echo what a couple others have said.... If you make me choose my friends, you will probably lose me as yours. If I never listened to Momma (sorry Ma!), I'm pretty damned sure I'm not going to listen to anyone else. Just saying'”     What the hell is going on here, one might think??

Don't want to be in the middle of this one!

Stepping back, it brings a lot home to me.  I think we’ve all been in friendships throughout our lives where Friend #1 has a problem with Friend #2 and we’re stuck in the middle of it.  Sometimes, we were all friends together at one time and a fallout of some sort happens and now you’re stuck in the middle of it all.   Or we make friendships along the way and at some point realize we’ve friended two enemies unknowingly, and you’re in the middle thinking “WTF?”    Hell, a good example most can relate to is when a couple, both good friends of yours, gets divorced and you find yourself in the middle.   Sometimes we find ourselves siding with one and walking away from the other, other times, you’re in the middle with two separate friendships and all the drama it might entail.   Been there done that!  Usually, doesn’t work well and you pick one over the other, but other times, you can draw lines/barriers and maintain two separate friendships.   Depends on the people and/or the situation.  Well, that first post yesterday got me to thinking; thinking about THREE SEPARATE situations I’ve dealt with in the motorcycling community over the last six years.   You thought middle school was rough?  Buy a bike, join a group or a clique of buddies to go ride with, and watch the sparks fly!   Just kidding.  Well, not really.  At least, not in my case.

First Situation.  It’s August 2013 and I’m headed to Minnesota for a dealer event I attended the year before.  I find myself headed up there, trailering my bike with a guy that I was aware of via a Forum, but had never met.   The dealer we were headed to, told me this guy was also headed that way and we should connect up and ride together.   I rode the year before, but was trailering this year and had plenty of room in my truck.   Well, after a few emails and text messages, we met up North of Dallas, rolled his bike in my trailer and headed north. 

So, I’ve got 950 miles and two days to get to know this person.    We have a few things in common so the conversation flows pretty easily; I’m not a hard person to get along with.    Well, to cut this one short, I came to my own conclusion he was on a tight budget so we roomed up that night with a pair of double beds, and rolled in the following day.  After twenty years I served in the military, this is no big deal.  More than one person I've told this story to have questioned why that would ever been an option; no big deal.  So, when pull up the next day, we’ve known each other for a solid 36 hours.   I’ve come to the conclusion in that time frame, we don’t have as much in common as I originally thought. Just because you both served in the same branch of service and both own the same brand of motorcycle, doesn’t mean you’re destined to be future buddies.   While up there for the extended weekend, I rarely saw this guy, spending my time riding with the group, making some new friends and visiting family.   On the way home, we ended up coming back and different time frames and that suited me just fine.   I dead headed that Tuesday back home, and did it all one day.  Now, the point of this ‘story’.  We both had decided to purchase new 2014 models.   Over the next few months, my phone was lit up with texts from this guy as he was chasing parts, prices, deals, around the country from different dealers to get his bike and all its options of the lowest conceivable cost.   He’d complain about this dealer and that dealer.  He was calling that dealer up north multiple times… EVERY day... checking on the delivery of the bike, etc.   I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t remember exactly what I told him but it was something like “dude … really?   I’m not wired this way.  My time is worth more and I’m not going to expend that much effort to save $25!” Again, I don’t know the exact words, but that was the gist of it.     Silence.   Conversation done.  No more texts.  No more calls.   Hell, if I’d know that, I’d probably have said it sooner?  At the same time I’m connected with him on Social Media, via pages and groups.  But, he and his wife have unfriended me.  Really?   Now, it’s no big deal.  I’m not upset.  But, I’m stepping back thinking ‘really??’     At some point in the future it comes up and he states he got tired of seeing all my bantering between myself and the dealer up north, so he did this.  Well, there’s another solution to this, to eliminate that, especially for someone whom is supposed to be computer savvy.  But, let’s just say it set the stage for the future.   As time goes on, I realize I’m not agreeing with this person’s attitude, angles and/or methods on FB.  He manages a local FB Group and I’m not agreeing with the way he’s treating others within it.  He’s kicking people off it, unfriending them, blocking them, etc.   It’s gotten out of control.  His actions there allow you to figure out what kind of person he is, overall.  Now, what the hell does this have to do with the subject of this blog?  The guy has a small event he started putting on in the spring.   When it comes time for people to attend, he’s been known to call folks (ranging from dealers to association groups to individuals), TELLING them not to associate with specific individuals.  That specific individuals are not invited.  Even, to tell individuals that they can’t be friends.   Wrap your head around that last one.   We’re talking about individuals in their 40s, 50s and 60s.   Some are FB friends, some are ACTUAL friends.  But, friendships have to be chosen?   I don’t know whether to laugh or …   or I don’t know what.  First time I heard of this, I didn’t totally believe it.  But, it’s happened multiple times, multiple people.    Welcome to Adult Middle School?    More like HS, since this has been going on over FOUR YEARS.   2013-2017.   Do I get a degree?  Any of us involved, get some type of participation certificate at least?

Second Situation.  Man, this is a muddy one and so many pieces to the puzzle but I want to get to the point without writing a book.   Okay, lets jump into associations; Riding associations.  I’m become acquainted with a guy that lives NE of me a few hundred miles.   On the surface, a nice guy.   On the exterior a somewhat pushy guy.  I base that statement on things he used to post on Social Media.  When he’d bought a specific brand bike and joined a group that I belonged with, he’d post weekly... “Come join us!”...  “The best group to ride with!”...  With pics and posters, weekly.  Seemed like daily. 

  Now, on the surface you’re thinking “hey WTF... this guys a great cheerleader!”...  But to be honest, it got nauseating.  Overbearing.  But he’s ‘on your side’ so you roll with the punches.   I remember his Motorcycle Forum posts; they always had an interesting twist.   The first was he picked gaudy fonts and colors.  Stood out from the rest. Just one of the things I keyed on.   Second was it was it always had a “can’t we all just get along?” slant.  Consistently.     Now, fast forward a year or so, and we hit a bump in the politics of our association.   This guy within one week, goes from being our staunchest supporters/cheerleaders to jumping ship and talking smack.   Kind of caught me off guard.  Hell, I understood ½ of his concerns, but didn’t agree with the other ½.  No big deal except, he bails out and starts another association.  Hell, I even joined it as #17 or something like that.   Why?  Just because.   At this point, I belonged to others as well.  So it’s not as if I did something treacherous.  Well, as time went on they developed their patch; sorry I wasn’t a fan of it.  They pushed their membership; hey we all do.   But what pushed me away was, the way they promoted it, in a twist of words slamming the previous association it broke away.   The top 3 or 4 reasons they promoted their new one, was an indirect slam against the other one.    To this day, I think if they had operated 100% autonomously, not berating or comparing to the original association, I might still be a member.   But at some point, you question things.  And I have a bad reputation for questioning things with sarcasm and going at it like a bulldog; can’t help myself.   Remember I said this guy used to promote the original association weekly, over and over?  Well, he began doing the same with the new one.   Well, here’s where I was/am, an asshole.   If I saw that pop up, I immediately followed it up with my own post, of the original association.   I wasn’t trolling.  I wasn’t stalking.   I was simply, putting up exactly what HE used to put up; well, right after his.  All is fair in Love and War?   Well, let’s just say it didn’t go well.   Now, up to this point, a lot of other BS had contributed, but that posting stuff was the finale.   NOW, the point of all this.   The fallout.   The fallout was ““True friends don't make friends choose friends.”  I don’t know how it all went down, but I do know friendships, some plutonic, some new, some old, some deep, went by the wayside.  Suddenly folks hear folks talking smack about others.  Some were stuck in the middle.  Some were asked to choose.  I wonder as I write this, are some STILL being asked to choose?   This fiasco has been going on for approximately three years or so, and I still hear BS once in a while.  I read things.  I wonder about things.  

Third (and final!) Situation.   I’ve wrote about this recently, so I’ll go over it lightly.   About Six years ago, a person reached out to me on Social Media when Indian Motorcycles was purchased by Polaris.   For several reasons, I found myself involved in a... … interesting for no better word……   situation.   I want to use the word friendship, but that’s not the right word.   I mean it was a ‘one way ‘relationship as I look back on it.  I did the traveling.  I spent the money.   I purchased the product.  I attended the events.   I loaned the money.   Not sure what I got out of it, in retrospect?   A few things I suppose, but it was a one way thing none the less, in the big picture.  I believe that’s important to note when folks aware of some, of the details, wonder why I ‘turned’... why I “walked”... why I no longer give a shit.   The reason I bring this all up?  During that six years, I found myself in the middle of a war of sorts.    I had no idea what I was walking into at the time.   But it was a few years of time invested in a Riders Association and time invested in riding up to an annual event and some friendships created there.   What I was unaware of early on, was the feud between a Dealer and an Association.   I heard bits and pieces.  What I heard when someone would twist my ears.  When someone would forward me tad bits via email and texts.  When I’d get screenshots.  And what I’d read on archives within the forums.   The point being, I was stuck in the middle.  I was a sounding board, for both sides.  I was archiving all my own info.  Developing my own opinions.   It took six long years to finally get all that info, and I’m sure I’m still missing a small piece or two.  Along that path, I had people question ‘why’ I was ‘friends’ with the opposing party; from both sides!  I’m sure many questioned my motivations.   But, in all reality it didn’t affect me.  I was stuck in the middle, but I wasn’t picking sides.  I may not have liked what I sometimes saw, but I went out of my way to maintain neutrality.    Along the way, I saw a few friendships among the warring parties dissolve.   I had some of my own get strained.   People have questioned me.  To this day, I sometimes question other’s motivations.  But we all do things for our own reasons .”     I don’t expect anyone... anyone … to pick sides …   draw lines……   choose.   I maybe wonder WTF they are thinking (!!!!),  but like I said, they are probably thinking the same thing?    I couple of days ago, I told someone who ended up in that overall mess why I finally walked.  Finally drew a line.   I know the guy up there doesn’t really know or understand.  I told this person “because I couldn’t watch what he did to you other others, anymore”.   Simple as that.  It wasn’t about me.   It was about what was happening to others, and I couldn’t watch anymore.  I did what I thought of doing multiple times over the last couple of years.  I walked.  Done.

The bottom line is, the fact is.... “True friends don't make friends choose friends"