REVIEW: ETA Motorcycle Cruises , LLC
This is the final post in a series of 4, about our trip.
First of all, this is the 4th in a series of 4 posts. First and Second have to do with securing the bikes on the Cruise ships. The third is my personal vaca' discussion. This post/review is mainly about the outfit themselves and what I saw on this last cruise. Some people had a crazy awesome time, and didn't have any issues with some of the things I'll point out. Apparently many folks that do this, are repeat customers so they either don't have any issues or simply overlook the ones I had and see the glass as "half full." But our small group of 6, traveling with the larger group of 40+ , experienced something that affected our Ten Day cruise in a negative fashion. I know others in the past have had negative situations. But, it's hard to find that info that I've compiled here. I just simply want folks to know what they are getting into, which for the most part is a good time and a good experience. But unlike what the owner Steven Wallach claims, they don't have a 100% track record. And not everyone has a great time all the time. His fav' line was 'its your own damned fault if you don't " ... well, not if he's the cause of the problem.
This is my first full blown review on this blog in the 10+ years I've been writing it. So, I'll do my best to write this in a way that makes sense.
Cost:
I hate to admit it, but I didn't do a comparison of the cruise through ETA vs Celebrity. You know , get a quote from both, then look at the delta between the two to figure out how much the uplift cost for ETA is. I've read where people says its about 30% .. I assumed around 25%. My trip was a lil more costly since I got the best room available (Sky Suite). I was surprised I couldn't get a bigger room but they were all taken. Now, does that mean ETA's block of rooms were taken or the Cruise ship didn't have more? Again, I didn't confirm. I was content with my selection and to be honest it was pricey enough. About $9200 for a 10 day cruise. And that didn't include the additional $1000 to ETA in cash via two payments. I wasn't balking. I know folks traveling with us were concierge level and they were at about $5500. This didn't include airline tickets, just the ETA Cruise. I'm guessing there may have been couples on board that got on for $3,000 or so? This was a bucket list trip for me, so I didn't give a crap about pinching pennies. I was okay with the overall cost. Besides, ETA has to pay their bills, pay for their transportation, road captains, escorts, fuel, etc. Also, my Suite price included premium drinks and a lot of other perks, most of which I didn't utilize. I was on this trip to ride, not hang out at the theater every night. My 'only' pet peeve is that I was on a Carnival cruise few years back and my state room was at about 50% larger .
Length of Trip:
Before this trip, my average vaca' is about 6 nights at All Inclusives. We've done a 7 day cruise before. My wife was initially cringing at the 10 days overall span, but I've got to tell you ... it wasn't enough for us. Five days of this was on 5 diff' Islands, and 2 days of travel each direction to/from FL. I could have easily spent another day or two on that ship. I could have used one more 'Island Ride." Because we were riding so much, I also felt like we didn't explore the amenities of the ship as much as we could have. The twist here is neither of us are big fans of cruises. This was only our third, but after this experience overall with Celebrity .. we'd do another. When we hit each Island, we were meeting up at 620am or 720am each day to go over things, head down to the bikes and then the process of getting them off. Made for some long days if you didn't crash early at night. I didn't.
Island Rides:
For most of us, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Personally we go to Mexico and Hawaii, but I've never rented bikes while there. Most of the Islands we went to had scooter rentals, but not big bikes. So, you're rolling out of that ship doing what most have never done before, or will ever do again. And to top it off, you have thousands of fellow travelers on the various cruise ships to include your own, that are in shock seeing two dozen big bikes roaring off into the distance. At times, you honestly feel like a rock star. Hey, we've all got egos! The pros and cons of the ETA deal is you are in a group. You go where they go. You stop where they stop. But, you are escorted through crazy traffic. You are riding on the opposite side of the road usually, from what one normally rides on. That alone takes awhile to get used to, but simpler when you are following the escort. Additionally, being in a group ensures you get back to that ship on time and get it loaded back up. Anyone whom has been on a cruise ship in the past, knows they will leave your ass at the port in a second if you miss the boarding time. So you get that warm fuzzy. The negative here is you are most likely riding in a group where not everyone .... rides well. I've wrote about this over the years how I hate big group rides; seems 10% of the folks will make you cringe with their riding habits/skills. Most folks in our large group did well, but there were still a few that left large gaps. A few that weren't 100% comfortable on corners or parking in tight spaces, and seems everyday we squeezed those bikes in at beach resorts.
One thing that threw me off a notch watching videos before signing up is the ETA owner seems to be in every ride, not on a bike but in a Jeep or something similar. He's standing up 1/2 the time pointing at potholes, taking pictures, yelling away at people as he sees fit. I wasn't looking forward to riding behind a cage on every fucking ride but by the end of five days it became somewhat normal. I do have a personal opinion on it though . It's almost as if he want's to be the star of the ride, and be seen as the big dog. That's my personal assessment after five days on the Islands and five days on the boat. In some ways it's almost comical, in other ways ... well... I guess some are thinking "who cares?". I just know that there is no way in hell, in the states, I'd be riding behind a cage day after day. Stick' em in the back. But, it's his show and he runs it that way. In all fairness he does get some good video doing that, but I'm not into marketing videos, which is what they all are.
Each day we find ourselves stopping at certain establishments he has relationships with. Some were nice, some were just okay. I travel a lot to Mexico and have lived abroad for a chunk of my life so I'm not as impressed as some might have been. Just my personal opinion.
Lunch Stops:
Okay ... here's a pet peeve of mine. Four of the days, we were provided lunch. Or rather, the opportunity to participate in a lunch/buffet. You didn't have to, but the way it's pushed, you feel you need to. I mean, if you don't' then what else do you eat? They said you 'might' be able to get something... so ...if you're me, and pretty much EVERYONE else, you doled out the cash. Was $125 per person; $250 for Lucy and I. Now, mama eats like a bird. I knew I was getting screwed on this because we wouldn't eat enough to get our moneys' worth, but .. she's got to eat. Hell, I only eat 1/2 of what I used to. Turns out that EVERY single venue we stopped at, you could have ordered off a menu.. So I handed over $250 for 4 days for the two of us, knowing out the gate I just got screwed. But the first 3/4 stops, were not worth the money IMHO. We were told they would all be awesome, there was more than you could eat, etc but at the first stop they wouldn't even give me an additional piece of meat. Huh? Mentioned it to ETA and they were like "WTF" and confronted the guys serving. Well, after everyone finished I was allowed to go up for more. Damned, I just wanted a jerked chicken leg quarter. And it wasn't that great anyways. Fast forward to the last place on St Maarten we stopped, it was awesome, drinks were awesome, owners were awesome, the club was awesome. Notice I skipped over a few? Now, this is my problem ... but .. here's a twist. If you read my other blog posts on this cruise, you know my wife wasn't with me the last several days.. that means... That $125 I payed for her? Yeah.. that was an expensive 1/2 plate of food she ate on Day 2. Is that ETAs fault? Well, not directly. But had I not felt pressured to have paid in advance, cash for the food .. I wouldn't be talking about it now. And .. it's not as if I was offered a refund for the meals my wife couldn't consume since she didn't make 3 of the rides.
Road Captains.
On our trip we had two Road Captains, Steve and Mac. They are really good guys. Great technical riders. They busted their asses daily with the bikes loading and unloading. They did some awesome blocking of traffic for us. But..... I've got one gripe, and I don't have a solution for it .. just a gripe. I've wrote before on big rides how I hate how Road Guards come screaming up the side passing everyone to get back to the front. Sometimes, it's downright dangerous. Well folks, you haven't seen shit until you seen this. Here's the scenario. Most of the roads on the islands are 2 laners with no shoulder. Most of us historically ride staggered, and it turned out to be a hard habit to break. What you need to be doing is single file riding so the bikes doing the blocking can roar back up to the front. Sounds simple right? Well, usually is. Unless, you're in a corner as they come rushing up on you. What about that pot hole you just moved over to avoid as they come rushing on past you? And the craziest is when the group is cooking along and traffic is coming the other way and they rush up to the front seemingly in the face of traffic. Did it bother me? Not really. On day one I spent too much time looking in my mirror after the first encounter. But Day 2/3 , most bikes moved into a single file all day. But more than once I'd be going into a roundabout and hear a noise to my right and realize they were passing me. More than once I jumped towards the center to miss a pothole and realize they were almost next to me. That being said, I think they have their shit together to the point they saw it all coming and backed off as necessary. Like I said, both of them were awesome technical riders as were all the police and local riders helping out. I just found myself wondering .. 'what happens if that oncoming cage bumps them into the group?' ... But hey.. didn't happen. Now my brother Dick is a certified Road Guard up in MN. He's been to the training. His answer about it all? "WTF!?!?!?" .. Enough said
Accidents;
I bring this up for several reasons. First is because when I brought up 'straps' initially well before the cruise, the owner MF'd me basically, followed by rants how they have a 100% safety history. Secondly, my cousin and his wife were the target last week, with him going on and on about they have a 100% safety record. I guess this doesn't take into account the road captain getting tagged by a cage last week, or the second road captain putting his bike down while loading on the ship (apparently a cruise passenger walked into the foray staring at his phone). But, here's my real beef. I had to listen to this BS multiple times during the week where he threw my cousin under the bus saying there were 'rumors' out there. Then he told some story about one of the ETA customers giving a bartender shit and how that wasn't acceptable. What actually happened is, my cousin called out the waitress for not giving us adequate service, but spending an inordinate amount of time at the ETA head table. His point was our table is just as important. Additionally, there are at least two other things out there I came across BEFORE ever coming on board the ship. So, I'm confused how they have a 100% safety record when these incidents happened?
First example. Somewhere back around 2008 (yes, I know that was twelve years ago), there was a major accident on one of the Islands. I find several things interesting here. First, 100% safety? I call BS. Secondly, the comments on the video. It's obvious an ETA owner or employee was saying things that didn't come across well (they were later deleted, but you can tell by the responses). Third, I think I know where this was. I'm 95% sure that was on St Lucia. I wondered how that happened but figured it out. We took a sweeping hard right up that hill and it's got a lot of extra asphalt making it like 3+ lanes wide. My guess is the Ultra Classic here almost stalled out as he leaned to the right, but somehow recovered it only to find him self still going to the right, straightened up, completed sharp 180 .. and ... well, what you see here at about 50 seconds into it.
The second thing I came across was this. Six years ago back in 2014, one of the cruise line crew members joined in a ride, as a non-paying customer. Turns out he was in over his head and a paying customer was injured. Again, how does this figure into the 100% safety record?
"A passenger who was injured during a motorcycle accident on St. Maarten Island, John Kadylak, sued “ETA,” an excursion provider, the cruise line, and one of the cruise line’s employees, Sergey Denysov, the ship’s Staff Captain, claiming that their carelessness caused him serious injuries while he was participating in the excursion."
Link #1 https://casetext.com/case/kadylak-v-royal-caribbean-cruise-ltd-1
Link #2 https://www.aronfeld.com/suing-royal-caribbean-motorcycle-excursion-accident-case-in-st-maarten-dismissed/
Now, know this. I was aware of both these incidents before I booked. Shit Happens. BUT, for ten frigging days I had to hear how ETA was flawless with a perfect record. In retrospect, I should have called him out on day one, when he began his safety rants, but didn't want to stir the pot out the gate. Get the gist of the incredible safety record?
As an afterthought, putting way too much thought on this and speaking to multiple people on different ETA cruises that experienced various issues I find myself wondering....
Attitude:
If I had to give a failing grade in one area it's this. The owner has an attitude that is hard to put ones' finger on. He's an outwardly nice guy. He's obviously successful. A part of me likes the guy. As I've said before, he's 'cracked the code' and enjoying the outcome. I mean, he's got to be doing two dozen cruises a year as part of his gig, all paid for by all of us, making money and living the dream. My problem is, why act like an asshole intermittently to one's paying customers? More than once, he said "I don't care if you all like me" On day one he joked " Oh well, I've got your money now". He's got a cockiness and crappy customer service attitude that he can get away with because he essentially has a monopoly and most if not all the excursions are 100% booked. Folks I'm in sales. I'm dealing with customers daily. I wouldn't be able to put food on the table much less pay for this cruise, if I treated my customer base like he does. Yet at the same time, he's a likeable guy (when he's not an ass). Apparently it works for him. However, I heard more than one couple say they wouldn't be back because of his attitude.
So my overall Score? My overall Review? Most will enjoy this excursion. The Escorts and Road Captains have their shit together overall. But understand if you're a weak rider or don't have much experience in heavy traffic or windy roads, your sphincter may be clenched for days on end. They say you must have 5,000 miles under your belt. That's it? That's a newbie rider in my book. I've done that on a Sturgis trip. If you have trouble with other's attitudes, have fun with Steve's. But let's be honest. Most folks aren't confrontational. Most folks will look past most BS. Most folks will have a blast overall. I had a good time, I just don't like putting up with other's BS. So as Steve suggested, I took this all to 'my page', not his. The only reason I took any of this shit on the boat is .... what's your choice? You are locked in. Period. You basically sign your life away for the duration of the cruise. Now, I suppose you could flip them the bird and blow off the bike runs, but ...... why would one do that? You just paid big bucks to be there. So, you put up with the BS at some level and ride it out.
Our Incident:
I covered this in the previous Blog Post, but I'll touch on it once more. I said I would be non-biased; it's hard on this one, but I'm trying. Bottom line is when the ETA owner Steve Wallach learned that my cousin's wife has Huntington's disease, he wouldn't allow her to ride on Days 2-5. Now, she was allowed to ride ALL of Day 1, even after he found out 1/2 way through the day.. Why? Apparently because he wasn't informed 60 days in advance. I've gone back into our paperwork we signed and I don't see where this was an issue; he just kept claiming safety. She's fine on the back of a bike. In fact, Michael's bike is an Indian Roadmaster where the passenger is securely in a the back seat with a tour pack, similar to an HD Ultra or Goldwing. So, what was the problem? Well, the problem with me/us, he at some level ruined our vacation. This was a bucket list item for Darlene. She's Terminally ill. Towards the end of the cruise we had to hear about a customer rolling on the next week's cruise that has Stage 4 Cancer and it's a bucket list item. But apparently a passenger's bucket list doesn't count. I know I said I'd keep this unbiased, but this paragraph.... is personal. After the incident on day one of riding, on following mornings Steve would bring this crap up again .. and again. Unprofessional at the very least. But, it was a pattern we saw from day one, that I covered earlier. Now put yourself in my cousins' shoes thinking "WTF now?" . We found a alternate solution, but no thanks to ETA.
Bike Security:
I covered this in the first two blog posts. Bottom line is, the bikes are actually secure. They are not strapped down. In fact, they can't be strapped down. It's literally impossible. They are parked in a chock. Additionally, they are parked close and tight, and if someone isn't paying attention, it's too simple to bump into a pole, wall corner or another bike. That all being said, we did not have any of that happen that I'm aware, but damned we had some close calls. Hell, just parking bikes at a stop on the Islands I almost got a crunched fender from a bike backed right up to me when he killed it and rolled back a few inches. I immediately pulled back on mine saving the front fender, but almost got the guy behind me. Point being, they had us parked CLOSE, in the boat and out and about during Island stops.
Beach Time/Stops:
This one is a tough one to discuss, but I'll give it a try. On most every day, we stopped and had lunch beach-side. A few folks stripped down, changed it up and headed to the water. A few. I go to a lot of All Inclusive resorts. You have towels on hand. Umbrellas. Lounge chairs. Shade. But not a single one, lent itself to this. Most if not all, were beautiful locations. It was just hard for most to mentally flip the switch, and get out of the biker garb and into the water. Additionally, until the last few days, the time frame of how long you had, how long until lunch, etc... didn't flow well, IMHO. Now, is this a hit on ETA? Not really. But, it wasn't as if we had a section of chairs on the beach set aside for us. Not as if you had service for food and drinks beach side ( well .. the last stop did , but no chairs). It just didn't 'feel' right to me. Is there a solution? I suppose so .. have a section set aside for ETA when they show up? Just know that 80% of the folks aren't frolicking in the water. They are just waiting to get back on the bikes and .. RIDE! And that's a good thing.... but ... it was sometimes a loooong wait.
Well, that about covers it. As I said before, did I have a good time? Yes. Will I go again? I don't see that happening. But hey .. .I got the memories, pics and .. the patches. If you are debating to go, at least you have more info available to you than I did to make an educated, informed decision
SEPARATE CHECK TO ETA :
**A Fee of $325.00 is to be paid separately to ETA via check in addition to the cruise line deposit at time of reservation. This fee is required to register all motorcycles with ETA and for all processing of your motorcycle for the island rides. This fee will be applied as a payment towards you reservation balance. For cancelled reservations, this fee becomes non-refundable.
*For Cancelled Reservations there is a Non-Refundable portion of the deposit which will be deducted from any deposits made. This is a non-refundable policy set forth by ETA – not the cruise line. Once your deposit has been made, you fully understand and agree that this fee will be deducted by the cruise line on our behalf if deposit was made via credit card. If deposit was made by check, this fee will be deducted prior to your deposit being sent back via check.
Additional ETA Cash Bike fee of $695.00 will be collected on the first night of sailing. This is collected per Motorcycle and covers island motorcycle insurance, permits, fuel, endorsements. ETA Motorcycle Information sheet must be returned to our office No Later than 60 days prior to sailing. No changes may be made after this time.
*Celebrity/ ETA reserve the right to impose a fuel supplement of up to $10 per guest per day on all guest if, the price of West Texas Intermediate fuel exceeds $65.00 per barrel. ETA has the right to change and or cancel any cruise that does not have a minimum of 15 motorcycles on board, at time of final payment.
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Celebrating over 14 years of our motorcycle cruises, we are confident that your experience will be memorable and ever lasting. The islands rides are fantastic and each one is different. You will experience beautiful scenery with the ocean as your back drop. The road conditions are fine with paved surfaces on our routes. There can be small patches of sand in places but, your road captain will always point them out. We require that all bike operators have a Minimum of 5000 miles under their belt, as there are a few steep hills and switchbacks on many of the island rides. ETA does not accept or allow any form of Dirt Bike Scooters, Vespa’s and Some Restrictions on Racing Models. Guest that have had or are planning to have within 8 weeks of cruise date, any type knee, hip or back surgery, including any medical for balance, will not be permitted to ride unless written letter from your doctor is submitted to ETA for approval.
In addition to your reservation deposit made with the cruise line~ ETA Motorcycle Cruises requires a check deposit for the Bike space. This amount is noted on your confirmation sheet and is due within 14 days of reservation.
Your stateroom cost include your meals, port taxes and cruise fees, bike on board and group escorted shore excursions. Outside your stateroom cost, the only other ETA related charges is a one-time cash bike fee on the first day of sailing. Collected Per Bike. Bike Fee is determined on cruise length and is noted on your Confirmation. This fee takes care of fuel, port permits and insurance. Additional Cruise enhancements such as Lunch packages, T Shirts and Cruise DVD are Available for cash purchase on board.
Gratuities are not included in the stateroom pricing. They are calculated at $12.00 per day, per person for Interior to Balconies. Concierge Suites $12.50 per day, Sky Suites and above $13.50 per day. Guest May Choose to have these added to their reservation and Pre Paid Prior to Sailing Or, The Cruise Line will add and charge them to your on board account.
Each Cruise Line offers option to purchase Travel Insurance. Cruise Care Travel Vacation Programs are offered by each Celebrity Cruises and MSC. Travel Insurance is available and will protect your cost involved should you need to cancel your reservation Due to Medical Occurrence, Illness, Hospitalization, Family Illness, etc. . Details on Coverage’s and Exclusions may be located on the cruise lines website. Your ETA Confirmation Sheet list the cost associated to add travel insurance to your reservation. If opting to select insurance you will need to notify our office as soon as you elect.
Upon arrival on our approved island ride ports, Our ETA Staff and Island Escorts will lead guest and motorcycles around the islands. At No Time will motorcycles be allowed to leave the group. Your day will be spent touring the Caribbean scenery as a land excursion. We will have pre-arranged itinerary’s depending upon how long the ship will be in port. The actual ride itinerary will be placed in your stateroom and will be found upon your arrival to the ship. We will review all the events and rides at our Welcome Aboard Party on Day 1 of the sailing. The ETA Cash Bike fee will be collected at this time .
It is required that Motorcycles and Bike operators Arrive Promptly to the Port on day of Departure at the following times, Any Delay will result in the possibility of the bike being denied boarding:
Cape Liberty-Bayonne, NJ. Arrival 10:00-10:30 a.m.
Port Everglades-Ft. Lauderdale, FL. 9:30 a.m.- 10:00 a.m.
Port of Miami-Miami, FL. 9:30-10:00 a.m.
Motorcycles must arrive at the pier with NO more than a quarter ¼ of fuel in the tank. As required by United States Coast Guard & Customs and Border Protection. ETA or the cruise line will not siphon any fuel. Bike Saddle bags or Storage Compartments may contain only bike related items. Helmets are mandatory for all Island Rides. They can be half rides as it is warm in the Caribbean for full dress
All Operators will be required to complete the ETA Motorcycle Information Sheet located in the confirmation package. This will be completed and returned with additional required documentation of Drivers License, Registration and Proof of Insurance. All Must be Current and Valid through the cruise length. This form will be mailed to our offices 75 days prior to the sailing date .No change of motorcycle may be done after this period.
We will have two meetings on the ship while cruising the First Night of your Sailing and the Night before we disembark. We will review important information with our guest so, Attendance is Mandatory.
Our dining Time is set for 6:00 p.m. We will have the same area reserved for us during the cruise.
- Post 1:Two Straps ...
- Post 2:No Straps needed or possible
- Post 3:Motorcycle Cruise in the Caribbean ... a great time .... well, almost
The Review
I've never found a real review about this agency, even though it's been in operation for 20 years. Before locking in with them for a JAN/FEB 2020 cruise, I did a lot of research. Most info was found on Cruise Ship forums or Motorcycle Forums. Found a few YouTube Videos. Otherwise .. nada. Zilch. Nothing. So, here's my review of our trip and the LLC. It's an honest, no biased overview. That being said, we had an incident happen that I will cover in detail. Some might say I'm butt hurt. Some might say, "there is one in every group". On the contrary, I just didn't drink the KoolAid. When the smoke cleared, one question has been asked to me multiple times : "Would you do another?" . Probably not. Did I have have a good time? Yes. Did my group? For the most part. Well, enough of that .. lets get to it.First of all, this is the 4th in a series of 4 posts. First and Second have to do with securing the bikes on the Cruise ships. The third is my personal vaca' discussion. This post/review is mainly about the outfit themselves and what I saw on this last cruise. Some people had a crazy awesome time, and didn't have any issues with some of the things I'll point out. Apparently many folks that do this, are repeat customers so they either don't have any issues or simply overlook the ones I had and see the glass as "half full." But our small group of 6, traveling with the larger group of 40+ , experienced something that affected our Ten Day cruise in a negative fashion. I know others in the past have had negative situations. But, it's hard to find that info that I've compiled here. I just simply want folks to know what they are getting into, which for the most part is a good time and a good experience. But unlike what the owner Steven Wallach claims, they don't have a 100% track record. And not everyone has a great time all the time. His fav' line was 'its your own damned fault if you don't " ... well, not if he's the cause of the problem.
This is my first full blown review on this blog in the 10+ years I've been writing it. So, I'll do my best to write this in a way that makes sense.
Cost:
I hate to admit it, but I didn't do a comparison of the cruise through ETA vs Celebrity. You know , get a quote from both, then look at the delta between the two to figure out how much the uplift cost for ETA is. I've read where people says its about 30% .. I assumed around 25%. My trip was a lil more costly since I got the best room available (Sky Suite). I was surprised I couldn't get a bigger room but they were all taken. Now, does that mean ETA's block of rooms were taken or the Cruise ship didn't have more? Again, I didn't confirm. I was content with my selection and to be honest it was pricey enough. About $9200 for a 10 day cruise. And that didn't include the additional $1000 to ETA in cash via two payments. I wasn't balking. I know folks traveling with us were concierge level and they were at about $5500. This didn't include airline tickets, just the ETA Cruise. I'm guessing there may have been couples on board that got on for $3,000 or so? This was a bucket list trip for me, so I didn't give a crap about pinching pennies. I was okay with the overall cost. Besides, ETA has to pay their bills, pay for their transportation, road captains, escorts, fuel, etc. Also, my Suite price included premium drinks and a lot of other perks, most of which I didn't utilize. I was on this trip to ride, not hang out at the theater every night. My 'only' pet peeve is that I was on a Carnival cruise few years back and my state room was at about 50% larger .
Length of Trip:
Before this trip, my average vaca' is about 6 nights at All Inclusives. We've done a 7 day cruise before. My wife was initially cringing at the 10 days overall span, but I've got to tell you ... it wasn't enough for us. Five days of this was on 5 diff' Islands, and 2 days of travel each direction to/from FL. I could have easily spent another day or two on that ship. I could have used one more 'Island Ride." Because we were riding so much, I also felt like we didn't explore the amenities of the ship as much as we could have. The twist here is neither of us are big fans of cruises. This was only our third, but after this experience overall with Celebrity .. we'd do another. When we hit each Island, we were meeting up at 620am or 720am each day to go over things, head down to the bikes and then the process of getting them off. Made for some long days if you didn't crash early at night. I didn't.
Island Rides:
For most of us, this is a once in a lifetime experience. Personally we go to Mexico and Hawaii, but I've never rented bikes while there. Most of the Islands we went to had scooter rentals, but not big bikes. So, you're rolling out of that ship doing what most have never done before, or will ever do again. And to top it off, you have thousands of fellow travelers on the various cruise ships to include your own, that are in shock seeing two dozen big bikes roaring off into the distance. At times, you honestly feel like a rock star. Hey, we've all got egos! The pros and cons of the ETA deal is you are in a group. You go where they go. You stop where they stop. But, you are escorted through crazy traffic. You are riding on the opposite side of the road usually, from what one normally rides on. That alone takes awhile to get used to, but simpler when you are following the escort. Additionally, being in a group ensures you get back to that ship on time and get it loaded back up. Anyone whom has been on a cruise ship in the past, knows they will leave your ass at the port in a second if you miss the boarding time. So you get that warm fuzzy. The negative here is you are most likely riding in a group where not everyone .... rides well. I've wrote about this over the years how I hate big group rides; seems 10% of the folks will make you cringe with their riding habits/skills. Most folks in our large group did well, but there were still a few that left large gaps. A few that weren't 100% comfortable on corners or parking in tight spaces, and seems everyday we squeezed those bikes in at beach resorts.
One thing that threw me off a notch watching videos before signing up is the ETA owner seems to be in every ride, not on a bike but in a Jeep or something similar. He's standing up 1/2 the time pointing at potholes, taking pictures, yelling away at people as he sees fit. I wasn't looking forward to riding behind a cage on every fucking ride but by the end of five days it became somewhat normal. I do have a personal opinion on it though . It's almost as if he want's to be the star of the ride, and be seen as the big dog. That's my personal assessment after five days on the Islands and five days on the boat. In some ways it's almost comical, in other ways ... well... I guess some are thinking "who cares?". I just know that there is no way in hell, in the states, I'd be riding behind a cage day after day. Stick' em in the back. But, it's his show and he runs it that way. In all fairness he does get some good video doing that, but I'm not into marketing videos, which is what they all are.
Each day we find ourselves stopping at certain establishments he has relationships with. Some were nice, some were just okay. I travel a lot to Mexico and have lived abroad for a chunk of my life so I'm not as impressed as some might have been. Just my personal opinion.
Lunch Stops:
Okay ... here's a pet peeve of mine. Four of the days, we were provided lunch. Or rather, the opportunity to participate in a lunch/buffet. You didn't have to, but the way it's pushed, you feel you need to. I mean, if you don't' then what else do you eat? They said you 'might' be able to get something... so ...if you're me, and pretty much EVERYONE else, you doled out the cash. Was $125 per person; $250 for Lucy and I. Now, mama eats like a bird. I knew I was getting screwed on this because we wouldn't eat enough to get our moneys' worth, but .. she's got to eat. Hell, I only eat 1/2 of what I used to. Turns out that EVERY single venue we stopped at, you could have ordered off a menu.. So I handed over $250 for 4 days for the two of us, knowing out the gate I just got screwed. But the first 3/4 stops, were not worth the money IMHO. We were told they would all be awesome, there was more than you could eat, etc but at the first stop they wouldn't even give me an additional piece of meat. Huh? Mentioned it to ETA and they were like "WTF" and confronted the guys serving. Well, after everyone finished I was allowed to go up for more. Damned, I just wanted a jerked chicken leg quarter. And it wasn't that great anyways. Fast forward to the last place on St Maarten we stopped, it was awesome, drinks were awesome, owners were awesome, the club was awesome. Notice I skipped over a few? Now, this is my problem ... but .. here's a twist. If you read my other blog posts on this cruise, you know my wife wasn't with me the last several days.. that means... That $125 I payed for her? Yeah.. that was an expensive 1/2 plate of food she ate on Day 2. Is that ETAs fault? Well, not directly. But had I not felt pressured to have paid in advance, cash for the food .. I wouldn't be talking about it now. And .. it's not as if I was offered a refund for the meals my wife couldn't consume since she didn't make 3 of the rides.
Road Captains.
On our trip we had two Road Captains, Steve and Mac. They are really good guys. Great technical riders. They busted their asses daily with the bikes loading and unloading. They did some awesome blocking of traffic for us. But..... I've got one gripe, and I don't have a solution for it .. just a gripe. I've wrote before on big rides how I hate how Road Guards come screaming up the side passing everyone to get back to the front. Sometimes, it's downright dangerous. Well folks, you haven't seen shit until you seen this. Here's the scenario. Most of the roads on the islands are 2 laners with no shoulder. Most of us historically ride staggered, and it turned out to be a hard habit to break. What you need to be doing is single file riding so the bikes doing the blocking can roar back up to the front. Sounds simple right? Well, usually is. Unless, you're in a corner as they come rushing up on you. What about that pot hole you just moved over to avoid as they come rushing on past you? And the craziest is when the group is cooking along and traffic is coming the other way and they rush up to the front seemingly in the face of traffic. Did it bother me? Not really. On day one I spent too much time looking in my mirror after the first encounter. But Day 2/3 , most bikes moved into a single file all day. But more than once I'd be going into a roundabout and hear a noise to my right and realize they were passing me. More than once I jumped towards the center to miss a pothole and realize they were almost next to me. That being said, I think they have their shit together to the point they saw it all coming and backed off as necessary. Like I said, both of them were awesome technical riders as were all the police and local riders helping out. I just found myself wondering .. 'what happens if that oncoming cage bumps them into the group?' ... But hey.. didn't happen. Now my brother Dick is a certified Road Guard up in MN. He's been to the training. His answer about it all? "WTF!?!?!?" .. Enough said
Accidents;
I bring this up for several reasons. First is because when I brought up 'straps' initially well before the cruise, the owner MF'd me basically, followed by rants how they have a 100% safety history. Secondly, my cousin and his wife were the target last week, with him going on and on about they have a 100% safety record. I guess this doesn't take into account the road captain getting tagged by a cage last week, or the second road captain putting his bike down while loading on the ship (apparently a cruise passenger walked into the foray staring at his phone). But, here's my real beef. I had to listen to this BS multiple times during the week where he threw my cousin under the bus saying there were 'rumors' out there. Then he told some story about one of the ETA customers giving a bartender shit and how that wasn't acceptable. What actually happened is, my cousin called out the waitress for not giving us adequate service, but spending an inordinate amount of time at the ETA head table. His point was our table is just as important. Additionally, there are at least two other things out there I came across BEFORE ever coming on board the ship. So, I'm confused how they have a 100% safety record when these incidents happened?
First example. Somewhere back around 2008 (yes, I know that was twelve years ago), there was a major accident on one of the Islands. I find several things interesting here. First, 100% safety? I call BS. Secondly, the comments on the video. It's obvious an ETA owner or employee was saying things that didn't come across well (they were later deleted, but you can tell by the responses). Third, I think I know where this was. I'm 95% sure that was on St Lucia. I wondered how that happened but figured it out. We took a sweeping hard right up that hill and it's got a lot of extra asphalt making it like 3+ lanes wide. My guess is the Ultra Classic here almost stalled out as he leaned to the right, but somehow recovered it only to find him self still going to the right, straightened up, completed sharp 180 .. and ... well, what you see here at about 50 seconds into it.
The second thing I came across was this. Six years ago back in 2014, one of the cruise line crew members joined in a ride, as a non-paying customer. Turns out he was in over his head and a paying customer was injured. Again, how does this figure into the 100% safety record?
"A passenger who was injured during a motorcycle accident on St. Maarten Island, John Kadylak, sued “ETA,” an excursion provider, the cruise line, and one of the cruise line’s employees, Sergey Denysov, the ship’s Staff Captain, claiming that their carelessness caused him serious injuries while he was participating in the excursion."
Link #1 https://casetext.com/case/kadylak-v-royal-caribbean-cruise-ltd-1
Link #2 https://www.aronfeld.com/suing-royal-caribbean-motorcycle-excursion-accident-case-in-st-maarten-dismissed/
Now, know this. I was aware of both these incidents before I booked. Shit Happens. BUT, for ten frigging days I had to hear how ETA was flawless with a perfect record. In retrospect, I should have called him out on day one, when he began his safety rants, but didn't want to stir the pot out the gate. Get the gist of the incredible safety record?
As an afterthought, putting way too much thought on this and speaking to multiple people on different ETA cruises that experienced various issues I find myself wondering....
- What happens if the bikes fall on each other in the hold. Who's problem does that become? Responsibility? I saw this happen last fall at a motorcycle event in the states.
- Does one's Insurance that we are required to have, actually cover anything once we leave port?
- What does ETA's "Island Insurance" actually cover? Is it liability only? Full coverage? Medical?
Attitude:
If I had to give a failing grade in one area it's this. The owner has an attitude that is hard to put ones' finger on. He's an outwardly nice guy. He's obviously successful. A part of me likes the guy. As I've said before, he's 'cracked the code' and enjoying the outcome. I mean, he's got to be doing two dozen cruises a year as part of his gig, all paid for by all of us, making money and living the dream. My problem is, why act like an asshole intermittently to one's paying customers? More than once, he said "I don't care if you all like me" On day one he joked " Oh well, I've got your money now". He's got a cockiness and crappy customer service attitude that he can get away with because he essentially has a monopoly and most if not all the excursions are 100% booked. Folks I'm in sales. I'm dealing with customers daily. I wouldn't be able to put food on the table much less pay for this cruise, if I treated my customer base like he does. Yet at the same time, he's a likeable guy (when he's not an ass). Apparently it works for him. However, I heard more than one couple say they wouldn't be back because of his attitude.
So my overall Score? My overall Review? Most will enjoy this excursion. The Escorts and Road Captains have their shit together overall. But understand if you're a weak rider or don't have much experience in heavy traffic or windy roads, your sphincter may be clenched for days on end. They say you must have 5,000 miles under your belt. That's it? That's a newbie rider in my book. I've done that on a Sturgis trip. If you have trouble with other's attitudes, have fun with Steve's. But let's be honest. Most folks aren't confrontational. Most folks will look past most BS. Most folks will have a blast overall. I had a good time, I just don't like putting up with other's BS. So as Steve suggested, I took this all to 'my page', not his. The only reason I took any of this shit on the boat is .... what's your choice? You are locked in. Period. You basically sign your life away for the duration of the cruise. Now, I suppose you could flip them the bird and blow off the bike runs, but ...... why would one do that? You just paid big bucks to be there. So, you put up with the BS at some level and ride it out.
Our Incident:
I covered this in the previous Blog Post, but I'll touch on it once more. I said I would be non-biased; it's hard on this one, but I'm trying. Bottom line is when the ETA owner Steve Wallach learned that my cousin's wife has Huntington's disease, he wouldn't allow her to ride on Days 2-5. Now, she was allowed to ride ALL of Day 1, even after he found out 1/2 way through the day.. Why? Apparently because he wasn't informed 60 days in advance. I've gone back into our paperwork we signed and I don't see where this was an issue; he just kept claiming safety. She's fine on the back of a bike. In fact, Michael's bike is an Indian Roadmaster where the passenger is securely in a the back seat with a tour pack, similar to an HD Ultra or Goldwing. So, what was the problem? Well, the problem with me/us, he at some level ruined our vacation. This was a bucket list item for Darlene. She's Terminally ill. Towards the end of the cruise we had to hear about a customer rolling on the next week's cruise that has Stage 4 Cancer and it's a bucket list item. But apparently a passenger's bucket list doesn't count. I know I said I'd keep this unbiased, but this paragraph.... is personal. After the incident on day one of riding, on following mornings Steve would bring this crap up again .. and again. Unprofessional at the very least. But, it was a pattern we saw from day one, that I covered earlier. Now put yourself in my cousins' shoes thinking "WTF now?" . We found a alternate solution, but no thanks to ETA.
Bike Security:
I covered this in the first two blog posts. Bottom line is, the bikes are actually secure. They are not strapped down. In fact, they can't be strapped down. It's literally impossible. They are parked in a chock. Additionally, they are parked close and tight, and if someone isn't paying attention, it's too simple to bump into a pole, wall corner or another bike. That all being said, we did not have any of that happen that I'm aware, but damned we had some close calls. Hell, just parking bikes at a stop on the Islands I almost got a crunched fender from a bike backed right up to me when he killed it and rolled back a few inches. I immediately pulled back on mine saving the front fender, but almost got the guy behind me. Point being, they had us parked CLOSE, in the boat and out and about during Island stops.
Beach Time/Stops:
This one is a tough one to discuss, but I'll give it a try. On most every day, we stopped and had lunch beach-side. A few folks stripped down, changed it up and headed to the water. A few. I go to a lot of All Inclusive resorts. You have towels on hand. Umbrellas. Lounge chairs. Shade. But not a single one, lent itself to this. Most if not all, were beautiful locations. It was just hard for most to mentally flip the switch, and get out of the biker garb and into the water. Additionally, until the last few days, the time frame of how long you had, how long until lunch, etc... didn't flow well, IMHO. Now, is this a hit on ETA? Not really. But, it wasn't as if we had a section of chairs on the beach set aside for us. Not as if you had service for food and drinks beach side ( well .. the last stop did , but no chairs). It just didn't 'feel' right to me. Is there a solution? I suppose so .. have a section set aside for ETA when they show up? Just know that 80% of the folks aren't frolicking in the water. They are just waiting to get back on the bikes and .. RIDE! And that's a good thing.... but ... it was sometimes a loooong wait.
Well, that about covers it. As I said before, did I have a good time? Yes. Will I go again? I don't see that happening. But hey .. .I got the memories, pics and .. the patches. If you are debating to go, at least you have more info available to you than I did to make an educated, informed decision
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Misc Info that is provided to all Bike Owners
SEPARATE CHECK TO ETA :
**A Fee of $325.00 is to be paid separately to ETA via check in addition to the cruise line deposit at time of reservation. This fee is required to register all motorcycles with ETA and for all processing of your motorcycle for the island rides. This fee will be applied as a payment towards you reservation balance. For cancelled reservations, this fee becomes non-refundable.
*For Cancelled Reservations there is a Non-Refundable portion of the deposit which will be deducted from any deposits made. This is a non-refundable policy set forth by ETA – not the cruise line. Once your deposit has been made, you fully understand and agree that this fee will be deducted by the cruise line on our behalf if deposit was made via credit card. If deposit was made by check, this fee will be deducted prior to your deposit being sent back via check.
Additional ETA Cash Bike fee of $695.00 will be collected on the first night of sailing. This is collected per Motorcycle and covers island motorcycle insurance, permits, fuel, endorsements. ETA Motorcycle Information sheet must be returned to our office No Later than 60 days prior to sailing. No changes may be made after this time.
*Celebrity/ ETA reserve the right to impose a fuel supplement of up to $10 per guest per day on all guest if, the price of West Texas Intermediate fuel exceeds $65.00 per barrel. ETA has the right to change and or cancel any cruise that does not have a minimum of 15 motorcycles on board, at time of final payment.
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Celebrating over 14 years of our motorcycle cruises, we are confident that your experience will be memorable and ever lasting. The islands rides are fantastic and each one is different. You will experience beautiful scenery with the ocean as your back drop. The road conditions are fine with paved surfaces on our routes. There can be small patches of sand in places but, your road captain will always point them out. We require that all bike operators have a Minimum of 5000 miles under their belt, as there are a few steep hills and switchbacks on many of the island rides. ETA does not accept or allow any form of Dirt Bike Scooters, Vespa’s and Some Restrictions on Racing Models. Guest that have had or are planning to have within 8 weeks of cruise date, any type knee, hip or back surgery, including any medical for balance, will not be permitted to ride unless written letter from your doctor is submitted to ETA for approval.
In addition to your reservation deposit made with the cruise line~ ETA Motorcycle Cruises requires a check deposit for the Bike space. This amount is noted on your confirmation sheet and is due within 14 days of reservation.
Your stateroom cost include your meals, port taxes and cruise fees, bike on board and group escorted shore excursions. Outside your stateroom cost, the only other ETA related charges is a one-time cash bike fee on the first day of sailing. Collected Per Bike. Bike Fee is determined on cruise length and is noted on your Confirmation. This fee takes care of fuel, port permits and insurance. Additional Cruise enhancements such as Lunch packages, T Shirts and Cruise DVD are Available for cash purchase on board.
Gratuities are not included in the stateroom pricing. They are calculated at $12.00 per day, per person for Interior to Balconies. Concierge Suites $12.50 per day, Sky Suites and above $13.50 per day. Guest May Choose to have these added to their reservation and Pre Paid Prior to Sailing Or, The Cruise Line will add and charge them to your on board account.
Each Cruise Line offers option to purchase Travel Insurance. Cruise Care Travel Vacation Programs are offered by each Celebrity Cruises and MSC. Travel Insurance is available and will protect your cost involved should you need to cancel your reservation Due to Medical Occurrence, Illness, Hospitalization, Family Illness, etc. . Details on Coverage’s and Exclusions may be located on the cruise lines website. Your ETA Confirmation Sheet list the cost associated to add travel insurance to your reservation. If opting to select insurance you will need to notify our office as soon as you elect.
Upon arrival on our approved island ride ports, Our ETA Staff and Island Escorts will lead guest and motorcycles around the islands. At No Time will motorcycles be allowed to leave the group. Your day will be spent touring the Caribbean scenery as a land excursion. We will have pre-arranged itinerary’s depending upon how long the ship will be in port. The actual ride itinerary will be placed in your stateroom and will be found upon your arrival to the ship. We will review all the events and rides at our Welcome Aboard Party on Day 1 of the sailing. The ETA Cash Bike fee will be collected at this time .
It is required that Motorcycles and Bike operators Arrive Promptly to the Port on day of Departure at the following times, Any Delay will result in the possibility of the bike being denied boarding:
Cape Liberty-Bayonne, NJ. Arrival 10:00-10:30 a.m.
Port Everglades-Ft. Lauderdale, FL. 9:30 a.m.- 10:00 a.m.
Port of Miami-Miami, FL. 9:30-10:00 a.m.
Motorcycles must arrive at the pier with NO more than a quarter ¼ of fuel in the tank. As required by United States Coast Guard & Customs and Border Protection. ETA or the cruise line will not siphon any fuel. Bike Saddle bags or Storage Compartments may contain only bike related items. Helmets are mandatory for all Island Rides. They can be half rides as it is warm in the Caribbean for full dress
All Operators will be required to complete the ETA Motorcycle Information Sheet located in the confirmation package. This will be completed and returned with additional required documentation of Drivers License, Registration and Proof of Insurance. All Must be Current and Valid through the cruise length. This form will be mailed to our offices 75 days prior to the sailing date .No change of motorcycle may be done after this period.
We will have two meetings on the ship while cruising the First Night of your Sailing and the Night before we disembark. We will review important information with our guest so, Attendance is Mandatory.
Our dining Time is set for 6:00 p.m. We will have the same area reserved for us during the cruise.
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